At least that’s what it feels like anyway. Where has my motivation to write gone? Why don’t I feel it anymore like I used to? I love(d) to write…and now, I feel like not only do I not want to write…but what on earth do I have to write about.

So, let’s give this a shot…I’m just going to write about some things that are top of mind for me right now. Think of this as “flow of consciousness” writing ala Rachael. Ready? Here goes:

I need new brown boots. Well, not “need” but “want” new brown boots. I already have brown boots…more than one pair. Is this really how I should spend my money? On more? Can I afford another pair of brown boots??? Why don’t I like the ones I have? So weird.

Halloween candy is the devil. Especially right before I’m planning to go to Hawaii and I have zero motivation and have been sick, so not working out. And my bathing suit is ridiculous. Maybe I won’t wear it. I don’t want to look like a hippo wearing a scarf. Not okay by any standard. But I bet when I’m there I’ll eat a lot of fruit and stuff so maybe I’ll lose weight then and be able to wear it the last day?

My stepmom has been juicing and she lost 25 pounds. I don’t WANT to juice for my nutrition. It sucks. And then I’m just hungry and grumpy about how bad it sucks…but losing 25 pounds would be nice. WHY AM I CURSED WITH CHUB?!

I hate my mascara.

I wish I could afford/had the time to get a pedicure every week. Except while I’m getting them I always worry that the lady is going to cut me. Not in a streetfight kind of way but with those cuticle clippers. I hate those things. It makes the whole experience terrifying. So why do I want to do it so much? I am SO weird.

People are so odd. Why do people get mad at one another for the most random crap? My friend http://freerangeblogger.blogspot.com/2011/10/lets-call-whole-thing-off.html?spref=fb recently received a nastygram via FB from a “friend” who decided she didn’t like the way she talked on FB. Seriously? Don’t look at it moron! This is like when my husband says “everybody keeps posting things on my page” and I have to explain “no silly, they are posting on THEIR pages and it’s coming up in your news feed” and he says “but why are they all saying this to me” and I have to explain “it’s not directed at you – it’s just them talking – if you don’t like it, don’t look at it – the world does not revolve around you!” I think that “friend” of hers has a “center of the universe” complex going on. Sometimes, people suck.

I hate my cell phone. It sucks. It’s a BlackBerry. Don’t buy one. They are terrible.

Pineapple is adorable. Every day she does something adorable. Except for last night when she bit me. And the night before when she head butted me and I’m pretty sure broke my nose. But other than that, she is a total peach. She’s so cute with her rosy cheeks. And she is the supreme snuggler of the universe (I’ve been told this buy her caregivers, as well). Some phrase gems she’s adopted lately:

• I wanna hold you.
• Put down me.
• I do! I do!
• OOh. I go poop.
• I lov-a-you-toooooo.
• I want mama.
• You stay here – I’ll be right back.
• Let’s go wis day. (i.e. “this way”)
• I love it!!!! (when she receives or sees anything she likes)

*sigh* It’s hard to not spend every moment around her…except for the biting moments. Those suck.

I’m tired. There is not enough coffee in the world.

That is all.

I swear, I’m gonna get back on this blogging train. I love blogging and I love keeping a written record of my little family and our experiences…and hopefully, you enjoy it, too. If you’re still there. If not…oh well, I’m not really doing it for anyone but me.

XO

Rachael

And Pineapple is pretty freakin’ sick of it, too.

Don’t get me wrong. I love to travel. I feel like I get to see things I might not otherwise experience – and it’s basically paid for by somebody not me. And that’s good, right? But it is so hard being away from Pineapple. She is so clingy and gets panicky when I drop her off at school – no wonder, given that often I drop her there on my way to the airport. *sigh* And I miss her desperately while I’m gone. It’s so tough to leave her and DH, knowing that she’ll ask for me and about me the whole time. I know it makes things hard for DH, too.

Anyway, in my recent travels, I’ve seen some interesting things I thought I’d share with you.

I visited the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose. It is AMAZING and the story is incredible! Mrs. Winchester continued to build that house for years and years…adding random stairways and doorways and seance rooms. It’s just an amazing structure. And beautiful, too. The woodwork is unbelievable an all handcarved on the property. There are also spaces left as they were after an earthquake destroyed a portion of the home…just amazing that this woman chose to live that way because a psychic on the east coast told her to move out west, build a house, and never stop building or the ghosts of all those people killed by Winchester rifles would torment her (I suspect the psychic had a family member in the construction biz in Cali…but that’s just an idea). I highly recommend touring this place – it is worth the price of admission. But I don’t think it’s the best idea for smaller/younger children. It is a LONG tour with lots of information but would most likely be terribly boring for very small kiddos. So leave the kids with a sitter and check it out if you get the chance!

The King’s Chapel in Boston has an amazing tour called the “Bell & Bones” tour. For $8 you can have a private tour of the crypts below the church and the bell tower, complete with a bell made by Paul Revere himself. The crypts are really interesting, too and still home to a lot of folks buried there – including the “Stranger’s Tomb” full of a lot of people they have no way of identifying. There are also 3 cardboard boxes on a desk in the crypt area that hold the remains of 3 individuals who passed within the last 30 years…they had their remains mailed there in the hopes they could be included in a crypt and their families didn’t want the remains back…so there they sit, stacked on a desk in temporary boxes…strange!

For that matter, Boston itself is just amazing. There is SO MUCH to see and do and most of it is free with donation boxes at the entrances to churches and old historic buildings. You can walk the freedom trail and see the Old North Church and Paul Revere’s home (one of the only buildings that did NOT burn down years and years ago). I know that many of my friends will think this is sacrilige…but I actually like Boston better than NYC…I know…shouldn’t have said it out loud…but it is true! Oh and another neat thing, we saw Mila Kunis in the Cheer’s bar…she is as gorgeous in person as she is on the bigscreen. Totally unfair!

I think that’s enough for now. I’ll share some information from my next travel adventures soon. In the meantime, I hope you’re getting to do some travelling of your own. And I hope I get to stay home for a bit with my sweet Pineapple.

XOXO

Rachael

Anyway, Pineapple is getting super big. She’s ginormous now (all 27lbs of her) and she has opinions that are just as big (OK, bigger). She’s been super busy – we all have – and she’s had a lot going on. Lately, I started to realize I’m not documenting her happenings quite enough…so I’m going to correct that now.

Here is what’s going on in Pineapple World (didn’t you know? she’s CEO, President, and dictator…just go with it):

Pineapple recently had her adenoids removed and ear tubes put in. The reason we decided to go ahead and do this was because Pineapple is now 2 1/2 and drools as though she were teething molars…she’s had all her teeth for over a year and to be quite honest, I was tired of being “slimed.” When we took her in to figure out what was going on, the doctor realized her hearing wasn’t normal. When we saw the specialist, we learned that her ears were constantly full of liquid, ergo all the ear infections, and therefore her hearing was being affected. We also discovered that the drooling was a result of her constant mouth breathing (something I thought she got from her Dad’s side…just kidding MIL, love ya!) but apparently this was happening because her adenoids were so swollen that she couldn’t breathe properly through her nose. After seeking the advice of a few doctors, the consensus was removal of adenoids and insertion of tubes, so we agreed. The surgery was FINE – for anyone who is staring this one in the face and wondering “should we do it?” it was cake. The anasthesia on the other hand was a swift kick in the ass. It totally sucked – Pineapple is what is commonly referred to as “combative” when she awakens from anasthesia…this means that she woke up like a firework going off, hit, slapped, and screamed at all of us, threw her passy and her pillow across the room, then tried to chew off her IV. They had to knock her tiny butt out again so we could gather our senses and prepare for round 2…which was just as bad. It took her several hours to come out of it…and my thought the entire time?…”does this mean that she will one day be an angry drunk?! Is she gonna be “that girl” at college parties?! Oh Lord, help me…” Anyway, she came through it fine and with the exception of some really terrible breath right now (I mean seriously, we thought she was pooping her pants – it’s that bad), she’s doing great and the drooling has nearly stopped!

Pineapple has decided that dancing is her “thing” and she totally rules at it. She can pirouette, plie, do a grande jate, and an arabesque (I am probably not spelling ANY of that right but c’est la vie). She also has discovered Yo Gabba Gabba and rocks out constantly. She always wants to play music and anyone around her is encouraged to “you dance now!” It is adorable!…and exhausting. I’m so sick of dancing. I cannot even tell you. And if I could get my hands on that damned Angelina Ballerina, she wouldn’t last 5 seconds. My husband and I actually catch ourselves singing songs about mousling slumber parties (Oops, it’s almost mi-id-night!) – GROAN. We also know the Camembert Cheer – which we all perform on a regular basis. But dang…she is so cute when she dances…until she starts…AHEM…”dirty dancing.” I do not know how else to put this…but my kid will twitch and shimmy and rub her hands on her tummy and in her hair then flop down on her back in a spread eagle, grabbing her self in TOTALLY inappropriate ways. Our friends were over for brunch with their kids a few weeks ago. Their 3 year-old son and Pineapple were having a total dance party on the ottoman and Pineapple started into her move – I screamed at her to stop but she kept going – and our friends stared on in horror as our sweet Pineapple did her best exotic dancer impersonation – it was mortifying – and made worse when the father instructed their son to “look away.” Yes, it was hilarious…yes, it was mortifying…but I’m keeping stock of moments like these and fully intend to bust these moves out at one of her highschool parties…PAYBACK; she is the bitch, no?

She shares so nicely. There have been so many occasions where she has happily shared a baby or a stuffy or some other little thing she is playing with and she always stands patiently waiting for the item to be returned. The only time I ever saw her nearly lose her cool was at the doctor’s office. We were waiting by the fish tank, Pineapple clutching her little mouse stuffy, when a little girl toddled up. She looked at Pineapple’s mousy and held her hand out. Pineapple passed the mouse over and then just stared as the girl hugged and cuddled her beloved stuffy. She didn’t do anything or try to take it back – she just stood there. I only saw her become anxious when the little girl walked away with it and Pineapple looked at me, hand wedged in her mouth, with big eyes saying “ummm…she’s totally stealing my stuffy.” Thankfully, the little girl saw what had transpired and had her daughter give the mouse back – at which point, Pineapple grinned ear to ear and hugged the crap outta that thing. She didn’t let it go again the whole visit and slept with it that night…I suppose the near loss of her stuffy made her appreciate it just a bit more. Of course her “huggy” suffered as a result…but only for that night.

We need to get this kid off of passies. She has gotten to the point where she has a color preference. She goes and gets them out of the kitchen drawer and she’ll put a blue one in her mouth, take it out, see the color, proclaim “YUCK” then fish around for another…until she gets the one she wants, which is typically pink. Apparently, pink and orange taste great but green and blue? Not so much. I’m considering explaining to her that with spring coming soon, all those baby birds will need passies…I wonder if she’d buy that….

Same goes for the pull-ups, which are essentially just diapers with princesses on them. Pineapple was summarily dismissed from her preschool’s potty training program after one week. Why you ask? Ohhhh….she started screaming when asked if she wanted to go potty and would FLING herself onto the floor, exclaiming “I wanna diaper like a baby!!!!!” Oh yeah…it was bad. She still gets all teary when we ask if she wants to go potty. Basicallys he has to initiate it – but what I have noticed is that she runs and hides when she has to go #2…she’ll hide behind the curtains or a chair or some other thing and won’t make a peep until she’s done. I’m thinking maybe we’re getting close again…fingers crossed!

There’s so much going on right now…I need to add more information to this soon – hopefully sooner rather than later.

In the meantime, Pineapple says “byebyeIluvyounightnight” – and so do I.

XOXO – Rachael

I couldn’t help it.

I was super busy?

I…um….ummmmmm…..it’s DH’s fault!!!!!!!

Crap.

I’m just the worst blogger ever. I’ve been totally absentee not for weeks…for MONTHS. I am pure suckage and embarrassed by my behavior.

Alright – that’s extreme – and this is just a blog – albeit mine and therefore amazingly cool – but that doesn’t mean that by neglecting it I am some terrible person. I’m just a mom with a new job and a busy travel schedule and not enough will power or gumption to do my duties. So for that, I do sincerely apologize.

Now that you’ve forgiven me…right?…I want to let you know about some changes you will be seeing on this blog. One of them will make a significant difference, I believe:

I’m not reviewing products anymore. THERE. I said it. It got in the way of writing and made me feel like I was obligated to write – not why I got started – so that is out. If you read something on this site about a product it’s because I bought it and love it and think you should love it, too. No other reason.

Sadly, that also means no more prizes – but if you were really here for the prizes, there are SO MANY other great sites that do that and I hope you’ll check some of them out. Look over to the right side of my page – go ahead, I’ll wait – there are several really GREAT blogs listed there and you should check them out. Many of them do giveaways regularly. Enjoy!

I WILL be writing more about travel. My new job means I’m travelling a LOT more and seeing a lot more and eating a lot more AWESOME food. Expect to hear about those adventures because they ARE adventures…I’m not sure I’m capable of going anywhere without some adventurous aspect.

You will still get to hear stories about Pineapple and DH and our “glamourous” (read: drool and vomit and food-covered) lifestyle. So YAY FOR YOU!

Anyway – that’s where I’m at – that’s what I’m thinking about. So prepare yourself world! It’s about to get CRAZY up in here!…well, as crazy as a helicopter mom with attachment issues, not a lot of time on her hands, and a patient to the point of saint-hood husband can get.

XOXO – Rachael

We’re enjoying the holidays this year and we’re not travelling. That in itself is a load off. Not that we don’t enjoy spending the holidays with the family but we travel a lot for work so not travelling when we have some time off is a nice, and rare, break. Plus, it has allowed us to experiment with some new traditions for our family. We’ve established a few that I think we last (each of us getting 1 new ornament with our name) and have thrown a few out that were a bit too difficult for Pineapple to grasp (watching a 2 year-old pitch a major because she’s not allowed to hold that damned elf on the shelf is painful). We’ve also had some ADORABLE moments care of my sweet, sweet Pineapple…such as:

• She tries to sing Christmas carols but mostly ends up singing “happy birthday” instead. So it goes something like “ho ho ho…happy day!”
• She received a fabric nativity set from her Nana. The camel and sheep escaped and the baby Jesus is currently covered in peanut butter and jelly and “sleeping” in the remote control bin on the coffee table. SHHHHHHH – for. the. love. – HE IS SLEEEEEEEPING!
• Pineapple was an angel in the Christmas pageant at church this past Sunday. She was the only angel that openly wheeped and slapped at her wings because they were hitting her in the noodle. Her halo fell off repeatedly and she turned beet red holding her wee arms up for me. I rescued her, naturally, but we didn’t get any good pictures as a result…dang it. We’re thinking next year a more suitable role might be sheep or camel – any barnyard animal would suffice.
• Speaking of crying. Pineapple went to see Mr. Clause. She marched right up to him, waved and said “Hello Tanta” with a big grin on her wee cheeks. So, I picked her up, set her on his lap, and said “OK now we’re going to take a picture with Santa!” Too which she responded “NOOOOOOO! and screamed at the top of her lungs.” You can tell she’s more “mad” than “sad” because her eyebrows are red. Another year of screaming Santa…oh how I love it!

• I have a set of salt and pepper shakers in the shape of a gingerbread boy and girl that I put out at Christmas. These have been a constant point of interest for Pineapple and she loves to hold them and kiss them and make them kiss each other. The other evening, she took the gingerboy and a piece of tissue paper over to the counter and proceded to cover the boy in the paper, chanting “wrap, wrap, wrap” the whole time. Then she climbed down, took the wrapped gingerboy over to the tree, set it on the floor and said “for mama!” Yes, I know. It’s friggin’ adorable. I think SHE’s the gift, personally.
• Every time we pull up to the house when the lights are on she says “ooooooh pretty” from her carseat in the back. It’s too cute. She also says this about the tree whenever she comes out of her room to find it lit….which is pretty much constantly. Like I said, too cute.

In the midst of all this cuteness, we’ve had some struggles, too:

• Pineapple is receiving a rocking horse – the kind with springs – from her Grandma W. I had the pleasure of putting that pony together. Along with a bottle of wine, 2 different screwdrivers and the heel of my boot, we got ‘er done.
• I didn’t print enough pictures of Pineapple with Santa. So if you didn’t get a card with a picture, yes, I know I suck. Deal with it…XOXO.
• I made the mistake of reading one of those articles that tells you the fat/calorie content of all the things you love to eat at the holidays. Then I weighed myself. I’m asking Santa for liposuction this year. That fat man had better come through or else.
• Pineapple’s daycare is closed for the full week between Christmas and New Year. WHAT am I going to do with a 2 year-old for 9 solid days?! In the PacNW?! In the RAIN?! And COLD?! *sigh* I wish daycare would just let me come use their space for the 9 days…
• Nordstrom’s is the devil. I can’t stay out of the shoe section. Want, want, want. But need to give, give, give. *sigh*

You  know what? I’m just thankful that my family is healthy, safe and home – unlike so many families this year. So, rather than lament my lack of AMAZING military boots and my ginormous fat butt, I’d like to wish everyone a very, very, VERY Merry Christmas…Pineapple style:

“HO HO HO…HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Like what” you ask? Well, that’s easy: snakes, alligators, hyenas, spiders, lizards, tigers, mice, “exotic” insects, and whales – to name a few.

 Basically, if it slithers, scuttles, has enormous teeth, won’t fit comfortably on my couch, or is bigger than my car, it’s out.

I’m thinking of this because of a dillemma my little sister is currently facing with regard to my nephew’s “pet.” Allow me to paint you a picture:

Nugget nephew was at a fair – remember this because it will be important – a STATE FAIR – with his dad. He was playing one of those throw-the-ball-into-the-bowl-and-win-a-fish games. Turns out, some of the kids were doing so great they were winning IGUANAS.

Yes, iguanas.

No, I don’t know why a state fair would be giving out iguanas. Yes, I’m sure there is no way this could possibly be legal – right??? Well, it WAS in Louisiana. Yes, I realize that might be just the caveat that makes you say “ooooooooh.”

Well, Nugget nephew did NOT win an iguana. But his little game-playing neighbor did. And when neighbor’s dad realized what his son had just been handed, he said “HELL NO YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT” and promptly offered it to Nugget nephew. At this point, my brother-in-law decided that keeping it would be a GREAT idea. He changed his mind 2 days later when the pet store bill reached nearly $200 for the required supplies to care for this lizard.

Anyway, the “pet” was brought home, given a name, and given copious amounts of love and attention by Nugget.

Until, it escaped its cage.

My line of thinking is if an animal escapes from its cage then it is clearly attempting to leave your abode and you should do  your best to assist it on its journey. Particularly if it wasn’t truly a pet to begin with (see above). But Nugget disagrees and just wants his dumb lizard back.

Have you ever really spent any time with an iguana? Because I have. When I was in college, my cousin and I shared an AWESOME (college translation = rundown, crack house neighborhood, trashy, super close to the bars – like within walking distance – thank heaven) apartment. While there, one of our friends who owned 2 (yes, 2) iguanas, asked us to lizard sit for him for a little over a month while he went on tour as a bouncer with his friend’s band.

We said yes.

I’d imagined these cute little garden lizards, happily living in their 5 gallon fish tank with a tiny rock to lie upon as they spent their days lounging under a heat lamp and taking a dip in their little pond to cool  off. I figured these would be the lettuce and carrot eating variety and I was down with all of that.

What we got was more like this:

2 GI-friggin-NORMOUS lizards in two HUGE 4-foot long tanks. Thanks that stunk. And they did not have little rocks and ponds but rather had some stinky flooring material and a water bowl. A WATER BOWL. They were huge. And they farted. Often. And it was squishy and unpleasant sounding.

After 2 months – instead of the original one month - my cousin and I began referring to their interruptive bowel howling while we watched a movie as the “soundtrack of our lives.” It had gotten that bad. We were afraid to clean the “kennels” (it isn’t even right to think of those as tanks or bowls or habitats) because they were so big. And it was harder enough to feed them! Don’t even ask – I’m actively blocking that part from my memory.

So, suffice to say that when I heard Nugget had gotten a lizard my first thought was ”are you INSANE?!” And my second thought was “OMG throw it out NOW.”  

She was in total agreement but was nervous because Nugget was sooo attached….until….it escaped.

It was missing for over a week – Sis thought she’d dodged a bullet and that thing was gone-baby-gone.

Until….she found it under Nugget’s bookshelf.

My first thought was “Eeeewwww – it has been POOPING all over that room!!!!” My second thought was “OMG throw it out NOW.”

But she’s having moral issues. She claims it is a living thing and that throwing it out would mean certain death. I disagree. Per my statement above, it was TRYING to escape – she is merely helping it on its path. Also, it will have SO many bugs to eat once it gets out. I mean, they live in Louisiana for heaven’s sake. And near a lake. It will be FINE! Right?

I say “not a pet – it’s trying to escape – OMG throw it out and by a fish.” She says “it’s a living creature and I can’t effectively kill it by throwing it out.” I say “it’s been surviving and pooping all around your house for over a week as it frantically searches for an exit.” She says “but maybe not it might have been trying to get back in its cage after spotting a menacing spider that it saved Nugget from. It could be a hero lizard.”

*sigh*

I told sis this was a question for the masses. So – it’s now in your hands, dear readers. Keep it – or OMG THROW IT OUT NOW!?….

Then…..

THEY FREAKIN’ LOSE THEIR EFFING MINDS FOR NO APPARENT REASON AT ALL AND OMG YOU HAD NO IDEA ANYTHING COULD BE SO LOUD AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO DESERVE THIS AND WHY OH WHY GOD WON’T IT STOP?! ^&(&*^%*&(^R%O&^%T

If you’re not a parent – you’ve seen this in action. And at this time, I’d like to beg you to please remember that the parent is FAR more annoyed and aggravated in this moment that you could possibly imagine…so have a heart?

Because truly, I have done some INSANE crap to stop my kid from freaking out in public. Here are a few examples:

Pineapple freaked in the grocery store after we’d had a nightmarish stint at the self-checkout stand where she proceeded to remove all of the paper bags from their holder, rearrange the gum aisle, and sit on the scale. I’d grappled with her and managed to pay for our items; scooped her up and prepared to leave. She decided she didn’t want to be carried and started acting like an insane person. To quiet her, let her walk, and still make it to the car in a timely manner, I jogged through the store, arms full of groceries, with my keys dangling from the back of my pants, repeating “come on Pineapple, grab the keys – almost there” while she frantically tried to keep up – squealing and laughing the whole way…while reaching for my ass.

I once purchased an entire sac of lemons because when we got to the checkout stand and she realized she would have to put them down, she behaved as though I deprived her of food on a regular basis and parting with these lemons might mean she would never eat again. As she gnawed on the lemon rinds through the mesh bag, I figured I’d bought them now. We had a brief meltdown while they were being rung up but the cashier was, thankfully, smart enough (or valued her hearing and sanity enough) to return them quickly.

I sing peeing songs in public toilets. Loudly. Detailing exactly what I’m doing so she’ll stay put, not try to crawl on the floor or under the door, and stop trying to touch everything. I make her clap and dance along while I sing. It’s awful. And to make matters worse, I have to let her “wipe” for me (this would be where she rubs a wad of toilet paper on my knee cap – she’s clearly confused) and then she shouts “bye bye pee pee” as I flush.

My iPhone has suffered as a result of my child. It has been covered in goo and slobber and macaroni and cheese. It has been dropped and thrown and stepped on. But if she is freakin’ out in a restaurant and I am at my wit’s end, it works every time. PSA – I’ve also handed my phone to another parent whose child was going ballistic. Worked like a charm.

I stood in the pacifier aisle in a Walgreens and opened 10 packages to try out the varieties until we found one that worked. She has been a dedicated MAM user ever since. And yes, I bought all of those passies and then donated them.

I cannot tell you how many packages of juice, cookies and crackers I have opened and fed to my daughter in the store. Tomatoes, too. Too many different foods to count and I’ve never once had a clerk complain – I think they’re just grateful I’m doing what I can to shush my ornery kid.

I feel like I’m constantly doing silly things to entertain her – though I can’t think of them all here – share YOUR story!

XOXO Rachael

Both DH and I spent the day getting to know the inside of a toilet bowl – intimately – and I got to practice my “grip the sink and the tub rail at the same time” technique. DH was stuck on a job site so had his bliss-filled experience in a port-a-potty….lovely.

Apparently Pineapple’s immune system is now effectively booting out all of the illnesses she is exposed to and placing them on us. So here’s the deal: we are SICK of being SICK! We need some immune-boosting tips and PRONTO.

I don’t care if it’s homeopathic, naturopathic, psychopathic – DISH. Over the counter, prescription only, just let me know what you do to fight off the yucks…because I do not want to be sick like that EVER again.

And we are clearly doing something wrong.

HALP!!!!

XOXO Rachael

is way, way, way, way, WAY more fun than work.

I go to work. A lot. Well, I guess a normal amount like everybody else but it FEELS like a lot. And when I go to work, Pineapple goes to daycare. A very expensive daycare. And before you get started, yes I know there are cheaper daycares out there and yes I realize that she would probably be just fine at those…but I’m not sure I would. And if you’re a mom, you probably get exactly what I’m saying. If you’re not a mom, just imagine that someone told you that you should consider depositing the 40 bazillion dollars you just won in the lottery in a bank called “We Kind of Care About Your Money but We Care a Wee Bit More About Our Smoke/Coffee/TV Break” and you’ll get my drift.

But I digress…

I go to work and most days I sit at my desk. I’m starting to suspect that I might be developing some sort of debilitating butt rash as a result of all the sitting. Sometimes I get to walk around the room a little bit and sometimes I get to drive or fly places – but more often than not, my butt is in an “ergonomic-my-ass” chair gettin’ all lazy and rashy.

Pineapple on the other hand has a FULL calendar of fun and engaging activities. Like what? you ask…

On Mondays, Pineapple has “Show and Tell Toy Day” and all the kids bring in a special toy that they present to their friends. Then they all take turns sharing each others’ toys and learning about what they are. It’s like getting a peek at someone’s personality. Can you imagine what folks would bring to work in the same situation? Most likely something dull and non-revealing but you know that there’d be that ONE person that would bring the totally inappropriate thing. And that would RULE.

Fridays are “Bring a Book Day” and they all bring a book which is read to the group during book time. *sigh* I NEVER get book time at work! And I looooove books!

Then they have all these random activities; like firedrills (which DH says had better consist of each of Pineapple’s teachers taking turns practicing running from the house holding our kidlet) and “wear your clothes backwards” day and field trips to pumpkin patches (OK – I got to go to that one but I think work should have regular field trips as well).

And they have art projects – fingerpainting, and using scissors and glue (which I RARELY get to use unless I’m cutting out a picture of Taylor Lautner from GQ to hang on my cube wall because seriously, who am I kidding?!)

And they even get…………wait for it……..

NAP TIME.

I want a friggin’ nap time! They all lie on their nap mats and the teacher plays soothing music. That kid sleeps more than I do and I NEED some sleep! I’m working after all. She’s just playing.

Oh and they have a playground. I totally want a playground. Wouldn’t it be cool if you could turn your cube into a playground area if you wanted….like create a cube tree house and just hang out in it all day?

And they’re always having treats – like cupcakes – or just yummy snacks. I have to eat nuts and cranberries or I’m going to have to be rolled into my 20 year highschool reunion using one of those elaborate pulley systems the egyptians created for moving those big slabs of rock in the pyramids (which, FYI, is a total lie if you watch the History Channel – it’s soooo obvious aliens built those things as energy recepticles…duh).

Also, I’m just gonna say it: I really like to color. And you don’t really get to color that often as an adult. I loooooove to color. It’s so much fun staying in the lines and using the different colors to make the picture perfect or funky – or both. As it is, I have to beg Pineapple to color in the evenings with me and even then she gets all mad if I use the coloring book she wants (which is, inevitably, the one I’m using) and then she messes up my pictures with scribbles. I mean, I had that Clifford picture just right! All the chickens were this beautiful creamy yellow color…now they have blue lines.

I don’t get to do any of those things at work.

But I do get to drink margaritas occasionally. And I do get to stay up as late as I want. I can go to R-rated movies (but if we’re being honest, we all know my tastes run more PG 13) if I want to. I get to drink coffee and write blogs.

SO NANNY NANNY BOO BOO PINEAPPLE! HA! Being a grownup totally RULES!

(I’d still rather color. *pout*)

XOXO – Rachael

I learned earlier today that Hyland’s Homeopathic Teething Tablets have been recalled by the FDA. We’ve used these with Pineapple since she began teething so this is rather upsetting for us.

According to the reports, the fact that this is a homeopathic product and does not operate under the same FDA regulations as traditional medication, the levels of an ingredient (namely Belladonna) vary from package to package. Overdoses of Belladonna have occurred in some children and there are a number of worrisome side effects – difficulty breathing, sleepiness and seizures, among others.

I wanted to share this and make sure my friends were aware – this is scary. You can read more here: http://www.fda.gov/NewsEvents/Newsroom/PressAnnouncements/ucm230761.htm

Happy, healthy and SAFE parenting!

XOXO Rachael