If I Only Had a Brain *shuffles feet in tappy kinda way*

My baby ate my brain. I used to have one. I know this because there is a large cavity located in the (as my dad so kindly refers to it) Charlie Brown-esque* area I call my head – which is intended to house brain matter but I’m afraid…is currently tenant-free.  

How do I know my brain is gone, you ask? Because I cannot remember anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I forget major things (OH CRAP FORGOT TO SEND MAIL TO BOSS!) and I forget minor things (crud, I should’ve realized that these homemade pizzas would need cheese). And I’m tired of feeling like a dumbass at work. It’s one thing to be silly and forgetful when it’s just DH that is bearing witness but it is a whole other ball of wax to feel like an airhead in the office…especially when you work with really smart, beautiful, amazing, wonder women (it’s true) and a couple of dudes (no offense – they’re smart, too – there just aren’t that many).

So, just to air out the dirty laundry and admit some things that I’ve forgotten – or are driving me mad about my ditzy performance as of late – I submit the following:

  • I really did go to the store yesterday for pizza ingredients and forgot the cheese.
  • This follows on the footsteps of last week when I was specifically asked by DH to go to the store to get kielbasa because his friend he hadn’t seen in 15 years was coming over for dinner and mentioned it…I bought $75 worth of wine and forgot the kielbasa (note the priorities, people).
  • I ALMOST forgot my MIL’s bday (it’s this Sunday – CRAP!).
  • I DID forget my stepdad’s bday (it was a couple of months ago – Mom was very upset and I’m a terrible child – true story).
  • I’ve saved a bunch of emails somewhere on a drive…and can’t remember which drive.
  • I can’t remember my 6th year of life…at all…nothing…may as well have not happened.
  • I left my mail on the counter in the kitchen, my water bottle on the microwave, and my lunch in the fridge – at work – over the weekend.
  • Someone in the office asked me a question yesterday and I said “yes” – the proper answer was “no” – had to correct that *blush.*
  • I spent 5 minutes last week yelling at an empty house in my sheer frustration over my misplaced keys when I was in a rush…they were in my car’s ignition.
  • I didn’t brush my teeth yesterday.
  • I left my lunch on the counter at home yesterday – put it in the fridge when I got home…instead of throwing it away….DH ate it.
  • I forgot to let the dog back in the house before leaving for the office last week – and it rained all day (DON’T TELL PETA!**)
  • I didn’t pay daycare in time and was charged a $50 late fee….I almost didn’t tell DH. (I also forgot the cable bill…oopsies.)

So all of this makes me sound like an airhead…right? And you can see my frustration…right? Well, then we’re on the same page.

But in my defense, I remember a lot of other stuff!

For example – I just spelled defense properly without using spell check! (It counts.) And I manage to get Pineapple out of bed, cuddled, fed and dressed each morning without fail. I also manage to (most of the time) remember to keep her supplies stocked at daycare. And when I forgot that cheese last night, I DID remember some grapes for the girl and some hot sauce for the DH because I know how much they like them. I remembered that DH was in need of dress socks while at Target a couple of weeks ago – that weekend, when we attended a wedding, he said “thank goodness you got me some socks – I needed those!” I remember to read a book to Pineapple every night (OK, well ALMOST every night – I’m not a saint – sheesh). I remember to kiss her and tell her good night and I love her as I tuck her in. I always remember to tell DH I love him – every day. And my parents, sister, in-laws, friends, FAMILY – because life is chaotic and ends much too quickly.

So when you get right down to it, I remember the important stuff? I remember the things that tell the people in my life that they matter. That I love them. That tell them THEY are important – that no matter what else goes on, I’ll never forget them. So maybe that means my brain isn’t missing so much as it’s prioritizing…the important things, the important people. I may not ever win a Pulitzer and I may have to employ the CYA*** tactic more often than I’d like but I figure eventually my brain will beef itself back up (interesting side note, babies actually do absorb your brain cells while they are in utero – just sayin’) and then I’ll be a force to be reckoned with! Now, where did I put my Wonder Woman suit….

 

*My dad says I have a Charlie Brown head because it’s round…*sigh*…even worse, apparently Pineapple has my head shape – lovely.

**I am probably really pissing some PETA folks off – completely unintentional – GO WHALES!

***CYA = Cover Your Ass

6 thoughts on “If I Only Had a Brain *shuffles feet in tappy kinda way*

  1. Maria says:

    I have the WORST memory since the babies came along. I used to be the most organized individual who remembered anything and everything. These days, I forget EVERYTHING. It drives me crazy!

  2. mmariluh says:

    You made me laugh out loud (and I had to write it, because I laughed so much that LOL wouldn’t have made it justice).

    So, there *are* good things about being forgetful. You get amazing stories to tell on your blog that make people smile and have a brighter day!!!

    LOL

    • “have a brighter day”?! I made your day brighter? Srsly? Now THAT is what matters – that is so awesome. My wee little blog gave you a boost – and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. I hope I can keep it up – because, isn’t that really what this is all about? At least that’s what it is for me – sharing my stories in the hopes that someone can relate and appreciate the humor I find in my everday mishaps.

      Thank you for reading! (and commenting!)

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