Prickly Pear of a Pineapple

I write, frequently, about what a wonderful, amazing, intelligent, extraordinary Pineapple I have. I write about my love for her and my adoration of her and my dedication to her well-being.

This is not going to be one of those posts. So if you like your Pineapple sweet instead of bitter, you’d better pack up and move along for this one and visit another day.

So here goes…

My Pineapple is turning into a prickly pear. Why do I say this you ask? Well, there are a number of reasons. The most noticeable – and coincidentally the one that sums up the problem – is her unquestionable independence. And while independence is a good thing, in a 1 year-old, it can get a bit out of hand. And this kid is seriously independent.

For example, she likes to feed herself. All well and good – and expected in a 1 year-old…right? Agreed. However, when you place a bite of food in her mouth for her, she will SPIT IT OUT IN HER HAND AND THEN RE-EAT IT. Leaving her addled mom to scratch her head and mumble (under her breath so Pineapple’s little pitcher ears don’t hear, of course) WTF?! Gross, I know.

And broccoli and carrots – BRING IT ON! Which is awesome! But on the flipside, let’s just say I don’t happen to have any carrots or broccoli right at this very moment or – HEAVEN FORBID!– they must be cooked! She screams the entire time they are cooking. Until they are placed on her tray and she can grab the bits by the fistful and cram them in her cheeks until they are puffed out like a bloated guinea pig who fears someone will forget to feed it again (I’m looking at you nephew Nuggles…lookin’ at you).

She has also taken to stealing the food of others. We recently attended a picnic for her daycare and her bestie showed up. Her bestie’s family sat on a blanket next to ours so the girls could play. Pineapple was fed just before this lovely family arrived, so I know she couldn’t have been starving; yet she crawled straight over to where her bestie was enjoying Peanut Butter Bumpers and some blueberries and started cramming them down her gullet as if she’d never been fed a healthy morsel of food in her life. Imagine my shame as my sweet little Pineapple pilfered the food items belonging to her little friend who had a mom smart enough to bring these treats. Shows me for brining the easy food – freeze dried corn, meat sticks (and side note: Lawd are those the nastiest effing things on the planet or what?!) and yogurt. No – my dear Pineapple needs “Neighbor Snacks”! (our name for any food she steals)

Continuing this theme, she is also under the misguided perception that any item on the floor is food meant for her that is just being served in a new and inventive way. Ergo, I had to pull a pine needle and a piece of dog food out of her mouth yesterday as she followed me around the kitchen. She had a conniption fit when I removed the pine needle. I swear, you would have thought I’d just taken her very last blueberry! (She has a serious addiction to blueberries. We are seeking counseling but are afraid of the blueberry drought when they are out of season this winter. *shudder*)

Another gripe – Pineapple has decided that the best defense is a good offense. So whenever DH or I go to pick her up and remove her from a potentially hazardous situation (or any activity she is involved in) she pulls the limp noodle move. For those of you who have a child that is still very young (i.e. in the 1-7 month range, or so) you may not have experienced this, yet.

Let me paint a picture for you: Your wee, wonderful child is currently sitting in front of the electrical socket trying to unplug the alarm clock and replace the plug with her chubby fingers…what do you do? Pick her up and move her away from the socket, right? WRONG! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! ARE YOU CRAZY?! ELECTRICAL OUTLETS ARE ONLY THE SINGLE MOST EXCITING AND ENTICING INVENTION EVER MADE! YOU ARE NOW THE WORST. MOMMY. EVEEERRRRRR!

Or at least that’s what I think she is saying as she screams, throws her hands over her head, arches her back and kicks her chubby legs around. For. The. Love. Why do kids do this?! I can’t be the first parent who has ever looked at their child and thought “did I grab the wrong one at daycare today?! Huh. Weird.”

Basically, Pineapple has decided if she is not getting her way and is not allowed to do exactly what she wants, when she wants, how she wants, and for as long as she wants, then she will just throw a total fit.

When will this phase stop? Well, according to some of my Twitter tweeps…when she’s 18. Maybe. But probably not. Yay.

I promise – love, sprinkles and gushy, mushy Pineapple goodness tomorrow. But today….ay-ai-ai. *smacks forehead to keyboard*

5 thoughts on “Prickly Pear of a Pineapple

  1. nana says:

    As usual everyone blames the parents!?
    Did anyone stop to think maybe the pineapple has a mind of her own?
    And I applaud the nurchuring parents for this and everything good
    in her tiny life. You do the best you can to teach them self discipline,
    good manners, and above all how to be moral in an immoral society?
    With much patience and a gross amount of love and affection, this
    ” pineapple ” will grow strong, healthy, and true!
    I salute these loving/caring parents and all those like them! ALL the
    precious children of the world should have parents like these!!!!!!!!!!!!

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