Let’s be honest…Santa has more people sit on his lap at this time of year than a public toilet. And at least when you use a toilet, you can cover the seat with one of those nifty little paper seat liners. I don’t see elves handing those out while you spend half an hour in line waiting to meet the big guy.
Don’t get me wrong – Santa rocks. And little Pineapple has had her visit…see:
But honestly, don’t you think the whole thing can be a little odd?And Santa is often times not all that you would hope. Take for example Santa as portrayed in some of those classic claymation shows.
In Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer, Santa’s kind of an ass. He’s so mean to Rudolph when he’s born – we won’t even talk about old Rudy’s dad because that guy is the definition of jackass. (And apologies for the tangent but honestly, has there ever been a more awful creature than stinkin’ Comet?! He actually INSTRUCTS the other reindeer not to let Rudolph play in their games! Ass. Sorry.) Anyway, Santa ‘expects more’ of Rudolph and isn’t shy about his disgust with Rudolph’s glowing nose. That is, until he NEEDS him. Then he’s got a BE-AUTIFUL nose. Yeah, right Mr. Grumpy Kringle. And those elves are downright discriminatory toward Hermie the elf who just wants to be a dentist! It’s shameful.
And I hate to be the one to point this out, but some of the scenes in Santa Claus is Coming To Town are downright disturbing. There is a scene where a young Kris Kringle is giving out toys in the mean old Burgermeister’s village – Sombertown…and…well….that song…um…is it just me or is “If you sit on my lap today – a kiss a toy is the price you pay” a bit – ahem – wrong? I know they meant it innocently but they MUST KISS HIM to get a toy. And I don’t see him forcing the Burgermeister to kiss him when he gives him that yo-yo. If a stranger insisted that Pineapple sit on his lap and kiss him to get a toy, I think I’d be telling her to head for the hills! And if that’s not bad enough, when he does distribute the toys, one of the kids receives an AK-47…or the gun equivalent from the 70’s. Pretty sure that’s not the best thing for a wee one to be playing with. Of course, that’s just opinion.
I know I’m coming down hard on the claymation Santa’s – but I challenge you to watch those shows with your grown-up eyes and not see some things that maybe slipped past when you were a kiddo. I’ll still watch them – because aside from Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas (which is AWESOME), those claymation specials mean that the holidays are here in my book.
But I do think that when you visit Santa, it would be nice if the elves passed you a little sheet so you could ‘doubl cover hover’ when you make your requests of the man in red. Particularly if Santa looks more like this guy:
than this guy: