I’m a self-proclaimed helicopter mom. It’s what I do. I hover and worry and spritz myself, my child, and anyone who happens to be standing near with non-alcohol based hand sanitizer. It’s my little attempt to balance the ‘my-kid-goes-to-daycare-and-is-therefore-exposed-to-every-germ-on-the-planet-and-is-sick-too-frequently-for-comfort’ syndrome I’m currently suffering from.
However, I realized ALL of my efforts are for naught the other day as Pineapple and I were ‘cleaning’ up the closet.
It went something like this:
Me: Oh Pineapple are you helping mommy clean the closet?! You’re such a good, sweet, smart baby!
Pineapple: A-yeah! (she’s says ‘yeah’ a lot)
Me: Are you going to help mommy pick up daddy’s shoes? Bad old daddy left them all over the place again! No, no, no daddy! <waggling finger>
Pineapple: N-n-n da-da! <waving hand madly around>
Me: OK, I’m just going to finish putting these shirts in this drawer – you start putting those shoes in that basket, OK?
<I turn my back and begin putting clean laundry in the drawers as I listen to Pineapple diligently place DH’s shoes in the basket. Turning around to admire her handiwork, I see something disturbing…..>
Me: PINEAPPLE!!! Did you just LICK the bottom of that SHOE?!
Pineapple: A-yeah. <Pineapple nods her head and selects a flip flop from the floor. I then watch in horror as she examines the bottom, sticks out her tiny pink tongue and gives it a good lick.>
Me: OH NO! STOP LICKING DADDY’S NASTY SHOE BOTTOMS RIGHT NOW!!!
Pineapple: A-yeah. <As she licks the bottom of a tennis shoe.>
So, as you can see…all of that money on hand sanitizer. All of that worry over her health and well-being completely undone by the innocent act of straightening up the closet. I tell you now – it’s a futile effort. At this point, I’m just waiting for her to lick the rails on the street car or eat gum from under the table because, let’s face it folks, it can’t get any worse…..right? No, I don’t want to hear your toilet story, thankyouverymuch.