Did You Just LICK That?! (or – Why It is a Waste of $ to Buy Hand Sanitizer)

I’m a self-proclaimed helicopter mom. It’s what I do. I hover and worry and spritz myself, my child, and anyone who happens to be standing near with non-alcohol based hand sanitizer. It’s my little attempt to balance the ‘my-kid-goes-to-daycare-and-is-therefore-exposed-to-every-germ-on-the-planet-and-is-sick-too-frequently-for-comfort’ syndrome I’m currently suffering from.

However, I realized ALL of my efforts are for naught the other day as Pineapple and I were ‘cleaning’ up the closet.

It went something like this:

Me: Oh Pineapple are you helping mommy clean the closet?! You’re such a good, sweet, smart baby!

Pineapple: A-yeah! (she’s says ‘yeah’ a lot)

Me: Are you going to help mommy pick up daddy’s shoes? Bad old daddy left them all over the place again! No, no, no daddy! <waggling finger>

Pineapple: N-n-n da-da! <waving hand madly around>

Me: OK, I’m just going to finish putting these shirts in this drawer – you start putting those shoes in that basket, OK?

Pineapple: A-yeah.

<I turn my back and begin putting clean laundry in the drawers as I listen to Pineapple diligently place DH’s shoes in the basket. Turning around to admire her handiwork, I see something disturbing…..>

Me: PINEAPPLE!!! Did you just LICK the bottom of that SHOE?!

Pineapple: A-yeah. <Pineapple nods her head and selects a flip flop from the floor. I then watch in horror as she examines the bottom, sticks out her tiny pink tongue and gives it a good lick.>

Images courtesy of Bing image search

Me: OH NO! STOP LICKING DADDY’S NASTY SHOE BOTTOMS RIGHT NOW!!!

Pineapple: A-yeah. <As she licks the bottom of a tennis shoe.>

Images courtesy of Bing image search

Me: ACK!!!!

So, as you can see…all of that money on hand sanitizer. All of that worry over her health and well-being completely undone by the innocent act of straightening up the closet. I tell you now – it’s a futile effort. At this point, I’m just waiting for her to lick the rails on the street car or eat gum from under the table because, let’s face it folks, it can’t get any worse…..right? No, I don’t want to hear your toilet story, thankyouverymuch.

11 thoughts on “Did You Just LICK That?! (or – Why It is a Waste of $ to Buy Hand Sanitizer)

  1. Becky Emmett says:

    I won’t tell a toilet story but it might be worse. We were at Disneyland when Keaton was little – like a year & a half. We were waiting in line for something and I look down and he’s LICKING THE HANDRAIL. Seriously, how many people do you think touch that handrail each day. And how often do you think it’s cleaned? Eeeu. The good news, he lived. Kids do gross things. Casen still licks things and he’s almost three. So strange that the back of a booth at a restaurant looks appealing enough to put your tongue on. So, so strange.

    • Why oh why must they do things like this? I mean, if I just started randomly licking inanimate objects, I’d probably be commited by some well-meaning family member. Have we commited Pineapple??? No. We just accept it!

      But it does make me think of a story my little sister told me – in class, her professor told the class to raise their hands if they thought they knew what a chalk board tastes like…they whole class raised their hands. Professor: ‘that’s because at some point in your life, you licked one.’

      And it does make the fact that someone first ate an oyster of their own volition a bit easier to believe. 😉

  2. Oh Lawdy Lawdy, I hear ya on the licking! My son licks everything! Yesterday at the park, I had to pry his mouth open because he was sucking on a rock. Yummmm.
    They say the mouth is the third hand for babes- but, geez…

  3. My daughter loves playing with shoes- her own and everyone else’s as well. She always has. As an infant I let her put her own shoes in her mouth (but no adult shoes) because her feet never touched the ground. Perhaps a mistake, because every once in awhile I see her doing it still. And to my horror, I’ve seen her do it to my shoes too. So, you are not alone..

    • I swear, if the interwebs is good for anything, it’s commiseration – thank you for sharing that! I sometimes feel like Pineapple is the only baby doing some of these wacky things…but I guess, contrary to popular belief in our household, she’s not the center of the universe. And that’s a GOOD thing! 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s