The Too Big Bite

<INTRO/DISCLAIMER> I have had an exceptionally busy life the last year and a half or so. During that time, I’ve traveled – frequently, even too much some might say. As such, I made the choice to spend time playing with Pineapple rather than documenting/writing about my experiences with Pineapple. Luckily for me, I’m beginning a new adventure that promises to provide me with more time to document, some might say it even encourages this behavior. So, I’m back – I’m going to do my best to keep coming back – and for those of you who are still interested in hearing about Pineapple and our lives…it’s great to see your sunny faces again! XO – Rach

We have an eater. Not a picky eater. Not a selective eater. We have an EATER – she will eat ANYTHING that sits still and even slightly resembles food. This brings to mind a story DH often tells of the time he approached his mom and proudly announced “I ate a snail!” To which she responded, “no you did not!” To which he replied “Did SO!” and opened his mouth to show the remains of snail guts and shell fragments coating his tongue. I’m not sure either one of them has truly recovered from this experience; but I digress…

I am 100% positive Pineapple gets this trait from her dad, dear old DH. And don’t get me wrong, it’s AMAZING to have a kid we don’t have to wrestle through each meal. We enjoyed brunch with some friends a few weeks ago and watched on in awe as the daddy exclaimed his glee at getting his kid to eat!…pancakes!!!…with white chocolate chips….and chocolate milk….suffice to say, he was just glad the kid put something in his mouth, chewed and swallowed without having to be pinned to the floor while dad manually manipulated his mouth to create a chewing action.

But not Pineapple. Nope. She eats EVERYTHING. She eats all of her food then wants yours. We had a major falling out over another brunch date when Pineapple proceded to eat ALL of the bacon on the table. Including her friend’s bacon. And when I ordered more for her friend, Pineapple made a grab for that, too. In fact, now that I think about it, Pineapple has been guilty of stealing that particular friend’s food since they were both in diapers…I distinctly remember a daycare picnic during which Pineapple crawled off of our blanket, onto her friend’s blanket, and stole her blueberries right out of her lap. That wasn’t exactly pretty either.

Anyway, our big issue with Pineapple lately is what we have all come to refer to as “the too big bite.” Let me paint you a picture:

Pineapple: TOAST!!!!!

Me: Cheers to you, too! 🙂

Pineapple: NO! WANT TOAST!!!! NOW!!! GET IT!!!!

Me: Oooooohhhhh…you’d like me to serve you by getting you some toast. Can you say please?

Pineapple: peeze *whispered*

Me: OK – go set at the table.

<Pineapple gets all settled and ready for toast. As soon as it pops up, she demands butter and jelly – but not THAT jelly – and more butter (BIG BUTTER) and she can damn well do it herself, thankyouverymuch!>

Now, this is where it gets tricky….Pineapple is a FANTASTIC eater, as I’ve already shared. The problem is, left to her own devices, she would sit in one spot, steadily eating for hours. Nay, DAYS. It takes FOREVER to get through a meal. And I swear she must have hollow legs because there is literally no meat on her scrawny bones. So, when we start to realize this is gonna take a while, we start making threats, such as “you’d better eat or I’m going to eat it!” or “eat up or I’m going to give it to the dog!”

This is when she shoves the ENTIRE remainder of her meal in her mouth. Looks at us completely baffled by the fact that she is now unable to chew due to her mouth being ridiculously full. And then she starts to say….

Pineapple: BOOMOOHHOSOMOOTTIIE

Me: What’s that you say? Don’t talk with your mouth full.

Pineapple: MOOHOBOOOTIITHE

Me: Did you take a too big bite???

Pineapple: *nods head and grunts in affirmation*

Me: WHY?! Why do you do this every time! You know you’re going to time out over this, right?!

Pineapple: *repeats head nod and grunting*

Me: Fine – then spit it out.

(Note to parents: this is one of those times when it helps to be specific. We have learned after several repeats of this scenario that we have to say “go spit it out in the toilet” for reasons you will soon understand.)

Pineapple: PLUUUUHHHHHHH….*spitting the food out right there – on the floor/table/in my lap/in her lap/wherever*

Me: *trying not to puke*

Pineapple: TOAST!!!!! NOW!!! GET IT!!!!

*sigh*

 

XO – Rachael

 

5 thoughts on “The Too Big Bite

  1. BlueBayou says:

    At least she eats! I have 2 precious daughters that would look at my homecooked meal, after a long day at work, and say “yuck!” I want a cheese burger, McDonalds of coarse! And that was when they were much older than Pineapple, so enjoy the partaking of a meal together. Any meal, ’cause trust me, it probably won’t last!? lol

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