An Open Letter to Nanny 911

I really, truly wish that this was a post about my adorable daughter who just turned 4 the other day. I really wish I could talk about how cute she is (she really is), how smart she is (totally), and how funny she can be (seriously – a laugh riot!). But, this is a different kind of post….

…this is about to get real…so be warned.

Dear Nanny – I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SO SO SO SO done. My kid has freakin’ lost her mind and I’m seriously on the verge of visiting a priest, much less reaching out to you. But I figured, hey…why not? Let’s just give it a shot.

Now I know what you’re going to say. “There are no bad kids – just parents that aren’t parenting properly.” Well, I’m here to tell you. That is probably true. But it is also CRAP. This kid is BAD with a capital BAD.

Want to know how I know? She CHOKED me last night. That’s not a joke. She literally choked me. Know why? I was drying her hair. Yep. Drying her wet hair so she didn’t catch a cold/pneumonia/end up in a ditch. That’s all I was doing. I wasn’t torturing her or threatening her life – no real reason for a super violent response. But this is what we’re getting lately.

Here’s my guess: she’s frustrated. She’s upset that we don’t always understand her. She’s upset that we can’t always sit at home with her and instead have to work and she has to go to school. She’s upset that we sometimes want to watch something BESIDES the Disney Channel (we seriously feel honored when we get to watch the Neverending Story, Sky High, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, or Labyrinth…those are basically grown up movies for us now).

I feel like my sweet little girl was eaten by this awful little monster that is demanding (“You sit down WITE NOW! You NO MANNERS!”), rude (“No. I SAY NO!”), mean (“I don’t want you – you go AWAY!”), and violent (in the last month I’ve been scratched, pinched, bitten, kicked, hit and, most recently, choked).

Here’s what we’ve been doing to combat this behavior:

  • Time out – a LOT of freakin’ time out. She even has her own stool for this because she spends so much time there.
  • Talking – a lot of it – a lot of explaining what good behavior is and why bad behavior is no good. Explaining why manners will make her happy in life and how hurtful it is to be mean to others.
  • Spanking – yes, spanking – SORRY FOLKS but it is sometimes necessary. You give me a call when your kid takes off running down the street and towards a shopping center parking lot with you pleading and screaming as your run behind her. Give me a call when she kicks the dog. Give me a call when she is trying to put a screwdriver in the light socket AGAIN. Call me. We can chat.
  • Taking her toys away – at the moment, she doesn’t have a single toy in her room or her bathroom. That’s what happens when you kick and choke mommy while she blow dries your hair. Mommy doesn’t play.

The thing that kills me is that she doesn’t act like this with other people. She’s polite, waits her turn, pays attention. The teachers at her school asked me if she’d been to a formal school before – she has been THAT good. But with me and, to a lesser degree, DH, it’s the freaking EXORCIST.

I get it. I’m a marshmallow. I’m a great big pushover and I’d do anything/be anything/go anywhere for my girl. And she knows it. And she’s pushing me. But damn.

Add to it the fact that she is too danged busy/lazy to go to the toilet 50% of the time and the fact that she RARELY stops moving (constantly climbing, jumping, running, hiding – NEVER stops – and I do mean NEVER – that is not an exaggeration) and you have one burnt out mama.

So, Nanny. What do you say? Wanna come to my house and tell me what a crappy parent I am? I’m game. JUST MAKE IT STOP!

Mkay? Thanks!

XO – RachaelImage

FYI – that’s her time out stool in the background, as well as the dog she kicked, and yes, she is holding her crotch to keep from peeing her pants….again. *sigh*

2 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Nanny 911

  1. bluebayou says:

    Speaking as a mother who has had a child that NEVER stopped, climbing, running, playing, speaking (loudly), looking for SOMETHING to get into, I have to say, ” I feel your pain/frustration AND ” Welcome to MY WORLD!!” She is a grown-up now, and I must say, a wonderful person, wife, and mother. However, when small like pineapple, she acted like she was on STEROIDS. People just could not imagine this angelic creature acting like I described??
    They weren’t there 24/7. And she did have her moments of absolute charm and Thank Goodness, but they were not a constant. As I’m sure you can attest to? Your patience is Gone, your nerves frayed, and there is no help from DAD, he’s at work and by the time he gets home she has lost some steam, therefore, ” What’s the problem? Maybe you just don’t know how to show patience and understanding? Maybe it’s YOUR Problem, not her’s??” But, I digress! My pastor told me once you have to Break this Stubborn streak now, or SHE’LL pay for it later. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. You are the BOSS, the ADULT, the LEADER, now take charge and make her mind you. It will take patience and understanding, and you may have to repeat the consequences over and over until she gets it!? But, I know she will eventually, because I can tell from your Blog how precious she is to you both. STAND FIRM and UNITED, Especially UNITED, she’s smart and she will find a crack/flaw in the UNITED FRONT. Don’t give up or give in, your ANGEL is there, she’s waiting for you to rescue her from all this anger and keep her safe from all the Evil, and God knows this is true, that this world can throw at her. Keep the Faith, Be Diligent, and Love Her like no one else in this world does, except her mommy. 🙂

  2. That is a beautiful recommendation and nearly brought me to tears. I’m thinking my job description should now read: “Protector and Disciplinarian” – because really, the only reason she’s punished is so she can grow to be a happy, healthy, good person. 🙂 Thank you for commenting!

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