The Terrible 1 and 1/2’s

Pineapple has lost her mind.

I’m not even kidding.

I actually read in one of my many, many, many (many) parenting books that when a toddler totally freaks, they have literally lost their minds…momentarily. In Pineapple’s case, it may be more than ‘momentarily.’

Lately, she has started just absolutely losing it when she’s not getting her way. My child actually threw herself onto the floor – kicking her legs and pounding her fists because I would not let her stand on a barstool. You may have read about how clumsy she is…if not, take it from me, standing on a stool is not an option for her.

She also screamed, and writhed, and headbutted DH when he picked her up from the staircase in order to assist her up the stairs.

And yesterday, she actually waggled her finger at me and said “no, no, no Mama!” when I took her marker from her!

We didn’t think this was supposed to happen until she was at LEAST 2! But it does remind me of a few years ago when my bestie, Karen, was talking to me about her little girl. I think her exact words were: “It’s hard to believe that something soooo cute can be soooooooooo BAD!”

I mean, honestly ;lkj;ljhhafsgvIlfiwaeguiaherfi8*&^TYUIHIOhjgls…..PUT THAT DOWN! GET OFF THE COUNTER! OMGeeeeeee!

Gotta run!

XOXO Rachael

We All Fall Down

I am clumsy. There, I said it. I’m seriously clumsy. I regularly have one bruise or another. Last night, I set a cup of water on the counter, preparing to make some Sleepy Time tea (haha – like I sleep…) and turning from the counter, my robe sleeve caught on the corner and I knocked water all over the place.

A couple of days ago, DH and I were lying on the couch – him with his feet pressing against my hip. It hurt and after a while I complained. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked. I told him my hip was hurting for some reason…and upon some bathroom inspection, I realized it was completely bruised. Most likely from running into a counter.

I’m also a ‘fall down the stairs’ kinda person. When you see me on the stairs, I’m most likely gripping the rail. There is a VERY good reason for that.

Well, I’m afraid Pineapple has the same issue. In the past month, she has fallen down the stairs at daycare, run into 3 door frames, run into the wall 5 times, fallen off/out of something that SHOULD be age appropriate for her to climb on/crawl in approximately 10 times, busted her lip once, and had 2 black eyes.  (She has also busted MY lip, given me a goose egg on my forhead, and smacked me so hard across the eye – when she was simply intending to point at something – that I seriously thought it would be black.)

Before you go calling the authorities, you should understand that her bumps and clumsiness have led to daily updates from daycare of ‘no unusual bonks today’ and they now refer to the tiny new table and chair area as ‘Pineapple’s OOPS area.’ She hasn’t had any ‘oops’ there yet, but they’re preparing for them. I also get panicked calls from her grandparents, when they are sitting for her, saying ‘she keeps climbing up on her toy picnic table – and we can’t keep her off of it – should we put her in time out?’ Um, a resounding YES to that question. In other words, she’s not exactly AFRAID of a fall, either.

So now the question is, do we bubble wrap and foam pad everything around her….or bubble wrap her?! Anybody else dealing with this or have any good suggestions? I’m at my wits end. And I seriously did not know how to respond when last week during a doctor’s visit the nurse gave us a pamphlet on ‘How to Prevent and Identify a Head Injury’ stating ‘toddlers fall a lot.’

No way…really?! Glad I spent $300 to have the doctor tell me my kid falls.


Karma is a Clumsy Bee-yotch

A few days ago, Pineapple came home from daycare school with a busted lip. Apparently she was playing on the plastic alligator seesaw and took a header into the tail.

The next morning, she woke up with a weensy shiner under her right eye – I suspect her farm magnet toy on the refrigerator for that little doozy – and she also had little cuts on her fingers that she received when playing in her bobby drawer (her drawer in the kitchen filled with Tupperware and plastic cups) and inevitably shutting in her little fingers.

Needless to say she was a wreck.

So when I arrived at daycare school that afternoon, I wasn’t exactly keeling over with shock when I was informed that she was now wearing a sparkly green bandaid on her forehead because she got a tiny cut while diving for the sign-out clip board.

The caregiver was so nice – listening while I explained that DH is just SO uncoordinated and has absolutely zero rhythm – I mean, that guy INVENTED the white guy dance. He owns that thing – we get royalties (I so wish) – and that given out much Pineapple looks like him, surely he is to blame. She reassured me that this is a stage fraught with bumps, bruises and little owies as Pineapple struggles to master the difficult skill called walking. I lamented the fact that unfortunately, she didn’t inherit my natural grace and coordination. *sigh* 

With that, I made my way over to the stairs leading down to the big play room where Pineapple was located….


I slipped on the second step and SLID at mach 3 down the remaining eleven. On my ass. Using my left elbow as a prop. Bonking my hip, back and head the whole way down. Only to land in a heap on the second to last step in front of all the tiny faces of Pineapple’s friends as they grasped the bars of the long baby gate and stared at me with Japanese-anime-sized-dinner-plate eyes.

To my credit, I didn’t cuss once. (GO ME!)

I merely sat up. Gathered myself and checked for any broken bones. I looked at my swiftly-turning-blue elbow and massaged my tender right hip/buttock area and made a valiant attempt not to moan out loud…even though I was doing quite a bit of internal groaning.

Assuring all the wee ones (and the caregivers who were looking on and, I’m certain, contemplating if I had a case) that I was just fine and only suffering from a few dings and a well-dented ego, I hobbled over to Pineapple, painfully scooped her up and made my way to the door.

For the last several days, I’ve been in pain. My left ankle is slightly twisted, my back is SO SORE it hurts to sit, my right hip bone feels like I dislocated it, my head hurts, and my left elbow is gradually turning green. And 2 thoughts continuously swirl around in my brain each time I step wrong or stretch or rest my elbow on something: 1) Thank the LORD I am not yet so old that a fall down the stairs at daycare school is completely debilitating, and 2) Karma is a clumsy bee-yotch because if I hadn’t been saying all that stuff about DH and poor Pineapple lacking my inherent grace, this probably wouldn’t have happened.

Thank you for your impromptu lessen in humility, Karma. Now, back off. Kisses! XOXO

Oh – and if anyone has any recommendations for muscle ointments (or ego ointments *sigh*) I’m open to suggestions!