Quirky McQuirkerson

The Unexperienced Mom calls…and I answer.

For this week’s Top 3 Thursday meme, she’s asking us to identify our quirks. My first thought was “Quirks? I don’t think I have those.” My second thought was…”Is that a quirk?”

So into the fray I go:

Quirk #1: I’m ADDICTED to hand sanitizer. I have approximately 3 bottles on or near my person at any given moment. They are on my desk, in my purse, in my makeup bag in my purse, in my car (2 different spots) and in the diaper bag. While I’m not loyal to any particular scent, I do prefer a brand: Bath & Body Works ‘Pocket Bac’ is the best. It smells nice and the bottles are teeny tiny – perfect for throwing them in bags or pockets when travelling. I’m a total germaphobe and I’m fine with that.

Quirk #2: I PANIC when people turn on those vent blower thingies in the public restrooms. (Yes, I realize that this is another germ quirk – I told you, I’m fine with that.) Those things are big cesspools of germs and nastiness. I’m certain that bacteria spends the night crawling up in there from the damp counter tops, sinks and toilets and then it when someone inevitably pushes the ‘on’ button, they blow their superheated germs all over the room. Whenever someone turns one of those on, I hold my breath. If I go to the restroom with a friend, I make a point of LOUDLY proclaiming this belief and my aversion to these contraptions in the hopes that nobody will turn them on. It rarely works.

Quirk #3: According to my friend @aholly, one of my quirks is my manner of speaking. She concedes that the reason this may seem quirky to her is that I’m from the South and she’s a PacNW’er but with regards to some of my ‘sayings,’ she may have a point. For example, when I was preggo with Pineapple, I referred to myself as ‘the tick.’ I felt like this big, overly-bloated thing that needed to just fall off the dang dog already! I’m also fond of saying “well, crap on a cracker.” And my cursing is sorta out there, I guess – my favorite ‘curse phrase’ is “GOD BLESS AMERICA!” That one gets me through the day. My friend tells me there are oodles and piles of these sorts of sayings. I personally think she’s been drinkin’ from the jug so her applecart is wobbly…but that could just be me.

XOXO Rachael

Did You Just LICK That?! (or – Why It is a Waste of $ to Buy Hand Sanitizer)

I’m a self-proclaimed helicopter mom. It’s what I do. I hover and worry and spritz myself, my child, and anyone who happens to be standing near with non-alcohol based hand sanitizer. It’s my little attempt to balance the ‘my-kid-goes-to-daycare-and-is-therefore-exposed-to-every-germ-on-the-planet-and-is-sick-too-frequently-for-comfort’ syndrome I’m currently suffering from.

However, I realized ALL of my efforts are for naught the other day as Pineapple and I were ‘cleaning’ up the closet.

It went something like this:

Me: Oh Pineapple are you helping mommy clean the closet?! You’re such a good, sweet, smart baby!

Pineapple: A-yeah! (she’s says ‘yeah’ a lot)

Me: Are you going to help mommy pick up daddy’s shoes? Bad old daddy left them all over the place again! No, no, no daddy! <waggling finger>

Pineapple: N-n-n da-da! <waving hand madly around>

Me: OK, I’m just going to finish putting these shirts in this drawer – you start putting those shoes in that basket, OK?

Pineapple: A-yeah.

<I turn my back and begin putting clean laundry in the drawers as I listen to Pineapple diligently place DH’s shoes in the basket. Turning around to admire her handiwork, I see something disturbing…..>

Me: PINEAPPLE!!! Did you just LICK the bottom of that SHOE?!

Pineapple: A-yeah. <Pineapple nods her head and selects a flip flop from the floor. I then watch in horror as she examines the bottom, sticks out her tiny pink tongue and gives it a good lick.>

Images courtesy of Bing image search

Me: OH NO! STOP LICKING DADDY’S NASTY SHOE BOTTOMS RIGHT NOW!!!

Pineapple: A-yeah. <As she licks the bottom of a tennis shoe.>

Images courtesy of Bing image search

Me: ACK!!!!

So, as you can see…all of that money on hand sanitizer. All of that worry over her health and well-being completely undone by the innocent act of straightening up the closet. I tell you now – it’s a futile effort. At this point, I’m just waiting for her to lick the rails on the street car or eat gum from under the table because, let’s face it folks, it can’t get any worse…..right? No, I don’t want to hear your toilet story, thankyouverymuch.