Sydney Bristow Can Keep Her Job

DH and I have been watching a LOT of Alias lately due to the fact that Pineapple gave me the first two seasons on DVD for Christmas. Now, in order from absolute FAVORITE best show of all time, my picks are as follows:
  1. Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Joss Whedon is a genius.)
  2. Firefly (Seriously, have you heard of Joss Whedon? Genius.)
  3. Alias (Uber. Cool.)
  4. Angel (Is there anything Joss cannot do?!)
  5. Every other good show out there (most of which DH has informed me are NOT ‘good’ shows but rather are bad shows aimed at teenagers – but he likes Borat, so I’m not listening to him) – including all shows written and produced by Joss Whedon – including Dollhouse, Lost, Moonlight (too shortly lived), Roswell, Star Trek (the original series)…getting the idea here? I kinda like sci-fi/espionage/mystery stuff…that’s kinda my fave…OK, throw in a little Office & Rock of Love/Charm School/other VH1 vehicles for flavor.

Something else you may have noticed is that I like shows with strong female leads. Given that, it should be obvious why I love Sydney Bristow. She’s awesomely tough. And not only is she TOTALLY gorgeous and always put together but she’s insanely smart, speaks a bazillion languages, and has the coolest job. Ever. And since DH and I have been watching so much Alias lately, to the point that I’ve been dreaming I’m Sydney Bristow, the topic of me being a spy has come up in many of our conversations. For example, a recent conversation went something like this:

Me: I could totally be a spy just like Sydney Bristow…in fact, there’s something I should probably tell you…

DH: NO! Don’t tell me – I don’t want to be killed because you’re delusional and think for one millisecond you could be a spy.

Me: And why exactly couldn’t I be a spy????? Are you saying I’m not smart enough?

DH: No, I’m saying you’d never survive the torture…you’d give up in the first few seconds and Sydney is always getting tortured for information. She’s had her teeth pulled, multiple electric shocks…you just wouldn’t be able to hold out, that’s all.

Me: I’m tough!

DH: Ummmm, no. You’re not.

Me: Give me an example!

DH: OK – let’s say you’re about to be tortured…

Me: Bring it on!

DH:…and so you’re being held in a room by yourself…

Me: Alone time is a good thing – it allows for introspection and personal development…

DH: And you’re naked.

Me: As long as I’m not being judged, that’s OK.

DH: And it’s really, really,  really cold.

Me: Cold sucks <insert uncertain voice> – but I’d meditate my way through it….I bet….

DH: And now…for the first step in the torture process….we’re going to carry you into this meat locker and put you naked on this freezing cold metal table…it’s SOOOOOO COLD!!!!

Me: OK!!!! I’ll tell you what you want!!!!!

DH: And, that’s why you can’t be a secret spy.

Me: As long as they didn’t do the cold thing, I think I’d be OK…

DH: That’s all they’d do…because they’d know you’d hate it.

Me: Bad guys suck.

So, there you have it. I couldn’t be a spy because I’m a cold wimp. Other things besides the cold table we both agreed would push me right over the interrogation edge include:

  • Someone putting their freezing cold hands or toes on my warm tummy.
  • Making me drink a lot of frozen drinks to the point of brain freeze.
  • Making me pick up ice with my wet hands.
  • Forcing me to take a luke warm bath.
  • Not letting me wear house shoes on the cold, wood floor – socks only. (JERKS!)

I could seriously write this list all day, but I’ll save you the torture. 😉 Suffice to say, I’m not spy material. C’est la vie…I’d look awful with orange hair anyway!

Carnivorous Pineapple in the PDX Area

DH and I have plans to take Pineapple to an open meadow this weekend to determine if she sparkles in the sunlight.

SHE BIT ME!(not in an “ouch Chaaaa-ley – that reely huuts” kinda way, either http://tinyurl.com/25evu3)

I have a tiny teeth mark bruise on my neck/shoulder area (she even went for the jugular!!). CRIPES!

My mother has informed me that this was my fault due to the fact that just prior to this chewy episode I’d been “mock eating” her tummy as she giggled. My mother believes that my “biting” her prompted her to take a chomp out of my neck. I have to disagree…I never actually BIT her – and I suspect she was looking for blood (she’d just had dinner – peas, carrots, turkey and blueberries, so she couldn’t have been hungry for anything other than my life force).

I’m doubly nervous because she hasn’t yet sprouted her canines…but when she does, if they’re extra pointy, I’ll be reaching out to Stephenie, Charlaine  and Joss for advice (the non-slaying type, of course). 

I’ll keep you all posted.

PROMOTIONAL OPPORTUNITY: In the event that Pineapple is truly a minion of the nightworld, lamia, purveyor of immortality, etc., for a small (read: GINORMOUS) fee, I will allow her to bite anyone who responds to this post with a “bite me” request – thus making you a nightwalker and immortal, as well. If she drains you dry though, you’re outta luck (no Cullens for you!) – now sign the waiver here and here…

UPDATE: So yesterday when I arrived at daycare to claim my Pineapple, I was told that she took a chomp out of one of the caregivers! *GASP!*I was then informed that they have a policy about biting and any child who aggressively bites another person at daycare (caregivers or children) more than 2 times per week for 3 weeks will be expelled. ‘AGGRESSIVELY‘???

Pineapple is 11 MONTHS OLD! She’s not ‘agressive’! She’s TEETHING! My immediate advice was “keep your hands away from her mouth” but I was instructed to have a talk with Pineapple and explain that she shouldn’t bite because it’s not nice and is inappropriate behavior….um…SHE’S 11 MONTHS OLD!!! *sigh*

So, yesterday evening, DH and I had a very long, very heartfelt chat with Pineapple about the sin of biting. And she did a great job of sitting still through our chat – of course, she was strapped into her highchair and throwing peas at us the whole time while trying to make noises with her tongue…but I think she got the message. ; )