Pineapple…Someday You’ll Understand

Dear Pineapple –

Tonight is a very, very special night for mommy. The reason it’s so special is because tonight is the night that New Moon premiers…and mommy has midnight tickets with her friends.

Yes, I know…you really want to go see the vampire and werewolf movie with the cute boys who, let’s be honest, are closer in age to you than mommy, but that is just too bad. You are too young to be quiet in the theater for 2 hours…much less understand the subtle innuendo in the movie and why the audience squeals out loud on occasion. And you’re much too young to understand what it would mean to really love a vampire…or a werewolf. Thank goodness!

You’re also too young to get into the bar that mommy and her girlfriends will be going to prior to the movie. At that bar, mommy and her friends will enjoy drinks that are colored red and talk about all things Twilight, Stephanie Meyer, Edward and Jacob. We will discuss the fact that Bella’s mouth hangs open too much and she bites her lip too frequently to be truly appealing to a werewolf; much less a vampire who should know better and who should definitely be interested in someone older and wiser, if not hotter. We’ll talk about the fact that Edward sneaking into Bella’s room at night is perfectly acceptable but would definitely NOT be cool if it were your room or the room of mommy’s friend’s daughter. Not. Cool.

And for future reference, I don’t care HOW much you think you are in love…if you EVER leave town (or the COUNTRY, for heaven’s sake!) to go and save your vampire boyfriend from an early demise, you are GROUNDED. Forever! And no motorcycle riding with werewolves. Or cliff jumping. In fact, let’s just go ahead and agree that you won’t date until you’re 30…sign here, and here….thank you.

Mommy and her friends will leave the bar a little later – and even gigglier – to queue up in line an hour and a half before the movie starts. But don’t worry. Mommy is bringing her water bottle filled with champagne and red food coloring. Shhh. Don’t tell! Mommy also has sparkly Twilight candy which she found on the ‘After Halloween Sale’ table at the grocery store – LUCKY mommy!

For the first time in years, mommy will wait in line for something other than the purchase of home supplies. And she’ll laugh and have fun and be ever so thankful that she’s old enough to enjoy a drink along with her teenage vampire fiction – unlike many of the other females who will also be waiting to see the show.

When it’s mommy’s turn to go into the theater, she’ll quickly grab a seat with her friends – and hopefully they won’t have to sit way in the front because that’s just no fun! As the lights dim, mommy will turn and smile at her friends, who will smile back at her, because they will be very excited that they’ve found each other and that they’re not judging each other for their little obsession (like soooo many of their coworkers have been judging them – meanies). They’ll be happy that they’re having some innocent fun and daydreaming about a time when they were young enough to meet their own vampire or werewolf and fall in love for the first time – something that I hope you enjoy some day (the falling in love for the first time – not the vampire /werewolf part). But don’t be nervous – mommy would still choose daddy over some silly old vampire…probably…most likely…FOR SURE…she would FOR SURE chose daddy. *WHEW*

Throughout the movie, mommy and her friends will be nervous, sad, excited, happy, and frustrated. We’ll have fun seeing the story we enjoyed reading play out on the big screen. And we’ll enjoy this little vice; this little thing that is silly and funny and ridiculous but makes us feel young again.

When the movie is over, mommy will come home and run her fingers through your hair, kiss your little nose, and whisper how much she missed you. Then she’ll kiss daddy goodnight, tell him to roll over and stop snoring, and then she’ll doze off; happily dreaming of Forks, WA and the exciting events that unfold in a sleepy town.

You might think mommy is silly – just like her coworkers do. And you might think mommy shouldn’t read these books or watch these movies that are meant for young girls. But what you don’t realize is that mommy is really just a young girl herself. Mommy might look like a grownup and, most of the time, she acts like one. But really…she’s just a little girl. And she still has daydreams. And she still likes romance. And she still thinks that the impossible can be possible…and she hopes that you always believe the same.

So be good for daddy – don’t splash him with too much bath water or be too demanding at bedtime – and sleep sweet. I’ll see you in the morning.



P.S. 14 hours, 16 minutes and 35 seconds.

UPDATE: Since more than one person has now asked, I thought I’d share my thoughts on the movie. Here you go:

  • I liked it! (So pbbbtttt critics – you’re too critical!).
  • I was so glad that they ‘fixed’ the super fast vampire issue. Meaning, in the first movie whenever they ran or climbed or did something super fast, it just looked like they were hovering over the ground a few inches and their feet never touched the ground…I liked the ‘slowed down’ or ‘blurred’ aspect of this movie – we’re smart enough to understand that they’re supposed to be moving really fast.
  • I thought the CG was good – and so did DH.
  • I thought the drama was perfect. Jacob was AMAZING. When Bella left him, I was seriously cringing in my seat – wondering WHY WHY WHY?! But when she ran to Edward and he was sooo happy to see her – so content – so relieved – it was palpable. I must say – the men did some darned good acting in this film.
  • I am wondering how Bryce Dallas Howard will perform as Victoria in Eclipse…very, very curious.
  • I will NOT drink ‘Glitter Pants’ before Eclipse…or possibly ever again. My girlfriends and I drank these drinks at our prefunk bar – we felt they were appropos given that Edward ‘glitters’ – but it ended up being a shaky night as a result. I was FORCED to go see the movie again on Sunday with my MIL and DH – the things I do for family! – and it was much more memorable without the Glitter Pants (which FYI, is a martini made with vanilla infused vodka, pineapple juice, cranberry juice and a sugar stick as a stir stick = deadly).
  • Pineapple totally didn’t care at all about the movie. She was unimpressed to the point that BOTH times I went to see the movie, she slept. *yawn* she is TOO cool for school…now if we could just get her to sleep at other times (*sigh*) – maybe we should just play Twilight all night long so she’ll sleep through the night….hmmmmm…..


Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?


Consider this a swine flu hiatus. Fever all week. Coughing. Can’t breathe. Absolutely miserable. I would not wish this on anyone. And FYI, doctors refuse to swab for it. It’s to pervasive. And there’s not a lot they can do to help. At this point, I’m just hoping I don’t develop pneumonia – even though I’m pretty sure I at least have bronchitis or something.

So far, Pineapple is OK – a bit of a cough and runny nose but no fever. We think she just has a cold – she had the H1N1 shot. But only the 1st one – did YOU know they needed TWO? Because we didn’t. We’re holding out hope that she’s not developing something worse.

So, I owe my blog several posts – and have several on the docket that I’m hoping to get to this weekend. My apologies for the disappearing act but I promise, promise, promise to deliver as soon as possible.

In the meantime…oink….COUGH….*sigh*

P.S. and lest I be disingenuous regarding my ‘fear’ of wolves, rest assured I’m not referring to my FAVORITE wolf, Jacob. Yum. 6 days, 5 hours, 33 minutes to bliss.