Big Girls Don’t Cry….They SOB Loudly.

I realize this is ridiculous. Logically, I know I’m being silly….but my little, sweet, tender, wonderful, baby Pineapple…..started preschool today.

She’s 2……2!

She moved to her new preschool house – and we attended the orientation yesterday. There is a small classroom where they will draw and learn their shapes and colors. There’s a reading room where her big, fuzzy, pink pillow is stored for her dainty bottom to rest on while she listens to her teachers read a book. And the teachers? All new – to her at least. She’ll be sitting at a big girl table for lunch. And she’ll be sleeping on a….

…wait for it….

nap mat!!!

*sigh*

She’s sooooo sooo soo LITTLE. And I’m nervous for her.

When I talked to my dad about it – while I wept – he laughed and said “oh good grief, Rachael – she’s going to DAYCARE dressed up like PRESCHOOL where she will play with her friends! You’re so silly!” When I talked to my sister about it – while I wept – she laughed and said “OMG – you are NOT crying over this! Oh heaven forbid that Pineapple be forced to go to a clean, nice, fancy preschool where she has to color pictures with her friends – GASP!”

I get no respect.

At least DH is sympathetic. We both agree. It seems like a LOT of responsibility for a 2 year-old. But I guess my dad and sister are right, at the end of the day. I mean, it’s not like she’s going for hard labor. I won’t get there and find her frantically stitching labels into the backs of poorly made clothing…..or digging ditches in the yard next to the jungle gym…..or scrubbing the floors on her little hands and knees until it shines like the top of the Chrysler building….

GOTTA GO – NEED TO CALL THE PRESCHOOL!!!!!

I don’t wanna grow up!!!

So in the midst of the Harry Potter theme music that is cycling through my overly burdened brain, the Toys R Us song (you know…I don’t wanna grow up…I’m a Toys R Us kid…) has been making the rounds, as well. This makes me realize something about myself. I DON’T WANNA GROW UP!

And DAMN IT! I already have!!! – I think.

Let’s look at the facts – I have an education (still working on that master’s, I swear), a career, a husband, a home, a Pineapple, past family issues/hang-ups/baggage that occasionally keeps me awake at nights…do these things qualify me as a grownup?

Or is it the massive student loan debt, the mortgage payments, hospital bills, the fact that I do my own taxes, or fiscal responsibility in general that qualifies me for the adult table during holidays?

Lately, I’ve been daydreaming of the days when I would wake up at my leisure, roll out of bed, enjoy a healthy bowl of Fruity Pebbles and Trix blended together (my thighs just threw up at the very thought) and relax in front of some cartoons before making my way outside to play until the streetlights dimmed. Or even better, those high school years (yes, I’m one of those sick people who actually enjoyed high school – so sue me)…hanging out with my friends, shopping, dancing/cheerleading practice (yep, I’m one of those girls, too – minus the mean) – easy friendships and comaradarie that didn’t require more than a “gimmy a Y.”

These days, I can count the number of “friends” I have on one hand (well, at least the ones I have regular contact with outside of FB). Who has TIME for friends?! <see all of the responsibilities listed above> And time for myself to vedge and enjoy a carb overload treat??? Fuggetaboutit – I have dinner to make and bathtime to wrange and reading time and singing time and bedtime. Whatever happened to those happy-go-lucky times? Nowadays, I’m just happy when DH can pick Pineapple up from daycare!!! It feels like a true break.

Given this new grownup world I find myself plopped into, who can blame me for indulging in a few “childish” things? Who could fault me for my sick Twilight obsession (squeeeee – the next movie is only 127 days away)? And I challenge anyone to waggle their finger at me for “wasting” a perfectly good, most likely sunny, summer Sunday morning at the theater watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Because that’s where I’m gonna be folks. Pineapple is going to church with grandma and I’m going to see a movie for children about witchcraft. Nanny. Nanny. Boo. Boo.

(I will however refrain from wearing my Harry Potter glasses and carrying my wand…misplaced those after the book 7 release anyway…or maybe DH stole them….that darned DH.)